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I spent most of my teens and 20s trying to close off my heart.
I wanted to become impervious to the pain of the world and to my own.
Hard, impenetrable, and strong. Not soft, weak, and tender like I’d felt my whole life.
I fantasized about what a welcome relief it would be to feel less.
I was “too sensitive” for most people and was encouraged to push my feelings away, pull myself up by my bootstraps and soldier through, like anyone else with common sense. I’m sure I’m not alone in this life experience.
In early March before COVID-19 hit the Pacific Northwest hard, my husband and I took a trip to Breitenbush Hot Springs in rural Oregon for some much needed rest and recovery.
The springs were as gloriously relaxing and rejuvenating as you’d imagine.
The land was pristine and so, so quiet.
But I was stressed out about the trip for a full month before we left.
The last time I had visited Breitenbush was 12 years ago at one of the lowest points of my life.
Have You Been Told That You’re a Difficult Patient? The Disservice Modern Medicine Does to Those They Serve
Last week a patient broke down in tears during her appointment.
She was in the middle of a massive pain flare in her back, but she wasn’t crying about the level of discomfort she was experiencing.
It was her third visit with me and we’d made some progress with her pain but she’d overdone it and her symptoms had escalated again.
She was understandably frustrated, but there was more to it -- she was afraid.